What exactly runs in a person’s mind just minutes before taking away his own life? Does he feel numb or does he feel angry? Is he agitated or is he absolutely calm? Does he feel alive or is he dead already? Amidst the chaotic mess of random speculations, a zillion thoughts cross my mind. But I can only find a deafening silence within. What state of mind exactly leads one to suicide will remain an eternal mystery. Perhaps, the best that we can do is – take a pause and head for an INWARD JOURNEY within.
Recently, on a bright Sunday morning, we lost a very prominent young Indian actor. He was 34, when he died. It’s been months now and speculations are still rife whether it was suicide or a cold-blooded murder. Authorities continue with their investigation and the media coverage keeps getting more and more reckless with every passing day. Nothing can be more heart-wrenching if charges of homicide are proven in the case.
He was a charming young man from our generation. The masses can relate to every step of his journey so far – small town guy from a middle class family, coming from an engineering background and chasing dreams in showbiz. I definitely appreciated his body of work, but never obsessed over him for being a movie-star. Yet, I could feel my throat choking with discomfort, even before I could process the information that he is no more. I just could not understand why. The nights that followed were bereft of good sleep. There were a thousand thoughts, yet a deafening silence within. Some deaths hit us so hard. Such a bright soul and gone so soon!
And now amidst the pressure built up for thorough investigation into his death, I sometimes wonder – WHAT IF IT WAS A SUICIDE?
My heart shudders to think about how dark the darkness becomes that it pushes one right to the edge, to a point of no-return. The sad thing is we might never know until we reach a suicidal phase ourselves. And of course, we do not want to reach there. So, probably, we will never know.
People get hurt in their journey of life, but what triggers an act of suicide is very hard to understand.
And especially when someone leaves just like that, without any last note or message, the loss feels beyond irreparable. How difficult it gets for the family and loved ones after such a sudden death, is beyond imagination. The sad part is people start giving statements and write condolences right away, and hardly spare a moment to even mourn in peace. Instead of actually spending some time absorbing the grief of a sudden demise, we immediately resort to speculations, arguments and what not!
Such extreme steps are always the result of a disturbed state of mind – a mind which has probably tried to reach out, but could not. We can sit and speculate on what could have been the trigger for such vulnerability. Maybe one gets the confidence that all options have been explored and 100% has been given. Maybe one starts believing that there are no other possibilities and there’s no looking back from there. Or maybe one does not think at all. Maybe the mind goes numb. There can never be a concrete conclusion.
But, one factor is constant – It is all in the MIND.
The human mind is so powerful that it can really mess with us, if not attended to. Mental health is as vital as physical health and it’s high time we started acknowledging it.
An Inward Journey Within
We come across so many people on a daily basis and each one is fighting his/her own battle. The least that we can do is be more sensitive and empathetic towards people in general. Before rushing into judgements about why someone is behaving in a peculiar way, let’s give him/her a fair chance. Let’s try to be a part of a support system for someone in need. That support system needs to be slightly sensitive also to pick up subtle hints. Because sometimes the support system might be there, rock solid as ever. But, if the concerned person is already messed up in the mind and doesn’t reach out directly, that support system won’t even realise that they were needed. It is so sad to think that someone gets so mentally shut down that he/she is unable to reach out to anyone. It’s so difficult to make out what runs in someone’s mind.
All it requires is – an extra bit of sensitivity.
And also feel free to reach out to your support system in time, before slipping away into oblivion. We might just need someone to talk to, without the fear of being judged. Yes, mental health awareness is less and we tend to ignore the fact that we need help. But, I am sure we always get to know the first signs – be it about our own self or others. So let’s work collectively towards helping ourselves as well as others.
It has to be a two-way journey. Only if we go mid way, someone can walk the rest of the way to reach us. The old maxim still applies – “God helps those who help themselves”.
In today’s times, we have developed few unwanted traits – we have become experts in PRETENCE. We keep pretending that we are fine and hesitate to reach out for help. Acknowledging and discussing one’s mental turmoil is not a sign of weakness. It is rather a sign of immense mental strength. It’s time to work on ourselves and let go of these unwanted and harmful traits.
It is okay to not aim for stars all the time.
It is okay to not have skyrocketing experiences from life.
It is okay to accept your weakness.
It is okay to vent out your anguish and break down.
Achievements in life can be superficial. Darkness if not addressed can actually consume us from inside. Staying alone and being mentally lonely are two different aspects. Let’s be alert enough to gauge that difference. The pandemic times and the related lockdowns form the ideal platform for that loneliness to surface. Let’s not succumb to that loneliness anymore. Let’s seek for that truth within and start that inward journey. Let’s do our bit. Every life matters. Let’s not lose ourselves or our loved ones to depression.
A Message for Sushant
Dear Sushant,
I am not a fan. I never was. I am an admirer of that charming smile. I always was. That smile was so bright that it lighted up your eyes and made your heart shine. Anyone with such an honest smile is unforgettable. Wish whatever is done can be undone. Wish you just came back alive.
P.S. – This post does not want to conclude that the concerned actor’s death was by suicide. This has been penned down just to address the fleeting thoughts around suicide and mental health, which surfaced post the actor’s death. The author awaits the complete investigation by the concerned authorities and hopes for a respectful and much-deserved closure for the family. May justice prevail.