In the cacophony of a busy day, my phone blinked with a message – “I have some news for you.” And before I could even think of guessing, there was another message in my inbox. It stated – “I am expecting.” I was thrilled. I was actually feeling ecstatic, rather even that would be an understatement. The message was from an old colleague from work, with whom I had not even chatted for more than a year maybe. Even if we are not the closest of friends, she was always like a constant travel-buddy in all my trips. She would always be my travel roommate and secretly, I was quite fond of her simple and uncomplicated nature. Unknowingly, she was a part of so many memories.
She was already in the 7th month of her pregnancy, while we were chatting. The first thing that she mentioned after I congratulated her was – “It’s my 7th month. So, I had to come back.” We were working together outside India, so she was mentioning that she was back in India post pregnancy. All this while, she had been managing her pregnancy alone for 6 months, because she was not getting released from a project she was working on (all IT guys out there, will get this). Yes, private IT firms tend to get cold and inhuman at times! And while I was busy congratulating and complimenting her for being such a brave woman, she constantly kept mentioning things like – “I still work on that country’s timezone from India”, “They are ready to take me back, but I’m still thinking”, “My work permit is about to expire”, “I’m not thinking of it so much yet”, “I will see when time comes”, “They asked me, but I didn’t give a confirmed answer yet” and she just continued. Suddenly, I started introspecting on her first statement.
Why did she say – “I HAD TO come back” and not simply “I came back”?
Was I reading too much between the lines? I was not sure. She kept explaining the same things again and again, as though she were trying to speak to herself for better clarity. I could actually sense a subtle restlessness in her voice. Soon, the discussion got diverted elsewhere. I started enquiring about her health and how she felt emotionally. Then, she described about how the 3rd month was really bad and constant vomiting had almost made her look like an ill patient. People at office, were constantly asking her to take an off from work. That’s when she told that she had actually not revealed about her pregnancy to anyone. I was a little surprised initially, but then I thought maybe it’s a ‘pregnancy thing’. Maybe, people don’t believe in announcing their pregnancy, until the baby bump is almost visible. So, I praised her again, for being so brave and handling bad days on her own might.
Being completely naive about pregnancy and overtly excited about hers, my questions were just unending that day. I kept asking about how did she first realise and how did she feel then. Trust me, I was very curious to know. She casually mentioned that she tested at home using a pregnancy kit when she first missed her monthly period and then immediately rushed to the doctor for confirmation. After that, she spoke a line, which opened a Pandora’s box of questions in my mind.
She said – “Initially, I was not sure about what to do. But then, I thought over it.”
To this, I just asked – “What do you mean by you were not sure?” Little did I realise that it would result in an uncontrolled flow of emotions. Maybe, she had not spoken a lot before, about how she exactly felt.
She spoke endlessly that night – “It was not a planned pregnancy. So, I was totally not prepared. I was totally confused and almost felt like my world had turned upside down within no time. More than that, I was not even sure if my husband was prepared for this. It was a shock for my husband too. I didn’t know what he was really thinking. He simply asked me to decide on the fate of our pregnancy.”
She started getting very emotional about the whole episode then. Pregnancy was never their priority, so they obviously never had a detailed discussion about it. I still remember her fears and concerns as a wife.
“His batchmates are getting married now and he is about to become a father.”
She was worried if unknowingly her husband was getting pressurised into fatherhood, and he was probably just not telling her thinking that she would feel bad. She would tend to get too emotional and would cry quite often. Such countless emotions of a woman!
But then, they had a long and final chat about everything and welcomed the pregnancy with open arms. She was more than excited that she finally got her mom’s home-cooked food back home, which she had been craving for while working outside the country. Now, she is glad that she managed to sail through her mental and emotional turmoil. She has most definitely emerged as a stronger woman than before. They feel content thinking about how all their decisions revolve around their baby now. Today, both of them are excited and extremely happy that it’s a BABY GIRL. That’s all that they ever wished for!
It seems like a matter of time, when you finally experience a lull after all the cacophony of thoughts in any situation. And that’s when the human brain works best to take decisions. Undoubtedly, our generation wants to have a control over everything. So, naturally, when something crops up, which is not a part of our plan, we tend to freak out. I agree that we freak out. But then, we definitely stabilise to take our best decisions and hold the reins of our life, going back to becoming control-freaks. Yes, we function that way. I’m glad that at least we express without hesitating.
Before I sign off, I would like to highlight how important it is to have an extremely supportive husband in a marriage. Love, care and concern – all comes automatically with that unconditional and relentless support from a husband for any wife. Considering that both of them were young, naive and just getting started with their respective careers, it was pretty natural that they had their set of doubts. Amidst the commotion of all possible thoughts in such a situation, I give due credits to that guy who still had the spine to stand rock-solid strong by his wife and give her the respect of taking her own decision about something related to herself, her own body. Such traits are very rare, especially related to pregnancy. Women are almost always considered as just baby carriers for a pregnancy, and they are hardly ever asked for their opinion. I’m glad that times are gradually changing. And I’m even more glad that this friend of mine has an amazing husband to spend the rest of her life with.
