It was a regular sign off from a working day and I was on my way back home. My bus was filled with people from various walks of life and bustling with endless chatter. Luckily, the AC was a huge relief on a typical humid Bhubaneswar evening in the month of March. Just then, a friend messaged me about this beautiful campaign – “From Ma, With Love” by One Future Collective. It was celebrating recollections of feminist tales and lessons, passed down to us, by our mother and a beautiful tribute to moms on Mother’s Day.
This reminded me of Ma’s glass of lemonade which must be ready by the time I reached home. She knows that I love lemonade in summers and ensures that it is ready as soon as I reach home from office. And yes, she does this every single day without fail. I keep cribbing about the sugar and she keeps arguing that lemonade is incomplete without sugar. I was sure that it would be the same story that day as well.
That just made me wonder about the emotional consistency in all mothers. They actually do a thankless job of motherhood all their lives, yet their love is so unconditional. Today, I take this opportunity to write an open letter to my mother and acknowledge all that I have ever learnt from her. I am sure that even a ‘thank you’ note will not suffice! I genuinely feel that this is the least we can do for our moms – acknowledge her unconditional love.
Dear Ma,
Today, I acknowledge that I am an exact replica of you (including the traits, about which I might have criticized you at some point in life). Now that I am 30 and getting to understand the realities of life like never before, I can relate to all your life experiences so far. Your decisions, opinions and sacrifices make so much more sense to me now.
Even though you started sharing the tid-bits of your life much later, I had been observing you and your life from a very young age. And I still have vivid memories of each and every instance back then. Well, I know that this sounds a little weird. But, I still remember your experiences, from the time I was hardly 5 or 6 maybe. My words will probably keep flowing and convert into a book, if I pen down all that I have ever observed and learnt from you. These are little things that I’ve constantly observed and imbibed from you. You didn’t really have to dictate these in words to me. So, I’ll keep it short, simple, straightforward and crisp (just the way you like it) in this letter.
Here are my Life-Lessons from my best teacher – “Ma” :
You are always on your own. Learn to take a stand for yourself.
No matter how deeply we are connected with people, you always taught me that it is incorrect to blindly fall back on people and make them feel entitled to help us, without even giving an effort ourselves. Yes, because of you, I am self sufficient today. Even if I have no support system in this world at any point in life, I can still take care of myself.
Always ensure that you are financially independent.
Back in the late 80s, I know how difficult it was for a working woman, to manage work-life balance. I have seen you waking up early, cooking breakfast and lunch meals, getting us ready for school and then, rushing for office by 9 AM (mostly with an empty stomach). Dad’s work kept him mostly out of town and you managed everything all alone, without an ounce of support from extended family. Yet, you never gave up. Expecting a woman to quit her job and focus on family was the norm those days, but you always held your ground and were never a quitter.
Now, I understand that strong stand of yours. Financial independence is a MUST, irrespective of gender.
Never use abusive language.
No matter how tough the going was, you never uttered a word of dishonour for anyone. You were always opinionated, but you always kept the basic respect intact.
Never discriminate between genders, based on capabilities.
In the 30 years of my lifespan so far, I have never experienced a single instance of favouritism towards my brother over me or vice versa. You never made us feel that we are any different from each other. Today, when I see other perspectives of the outside world, I realise how rampant gender discrimination is.
I am so glad that I was brought up by you in a non-biased environment. At least, I voice my opinion wherever I can and make a difference in my way.
Keep your sense of humanity intact.
You always ensured that we treated our fellows as human beings and rise above petty malice, to help them in need. You always led by example, in this front.
Learn to be straight-forward and keep an honest approach towards life.
“Speaking the truth will always make life simpler” – This has always been your mantra for life and you’ve stood by it. Ofcourse, being straightforward, put you in bad books of some. But eventually, it works for a better life in the long run. After all, in the process, you cut out caustic people from your life.
I’m yet to learn how to be brutally straightforward as you. But trust me on this – I am trying! And I will definitely achieve your level someday.
Keep your conscience clean.
I have personally felt this one and it works best for me. A clear conscience makes me feel lighter and helps me function better. When I see people around me, entangled within themselves about what is right and wrong, I feel so privileged to have been your child.
Your simple theory of “own up, whenever you are wrong” actually helps. Even I strongly believe that I can never be happy, with a deliberate intention of hurting someone. If something happens in my ignorance, I always acknowledge and accept.
Be confident about your opinions, but never force them on others.
I have grown up seeing you as a rock-solid woman, who is mentally strong and always has an individual opinion. But you’ve never ever forced your opinions on others or tried to manipulate others’ lives according to yours. Because of you, even I am a strong believer of “Live and Let Live.”
Do not interfere in matters which don’t concern you.
You have never been snooty and nosy about others affairs and even refrained from keeping such company. I’m so glad that I imbibed this same attitude from you. Keeping to myself and not really wasting my energy in a bid to meddle in others’ affairs actually helps!
I learnt to respect individual personal spaces and their opinions. And I have never felt entitled to have a forceful authority over someone else’s life (even if the concerned person is a sibling or a close relative).
Be responsible and take the reins of your life in your own hands.
You have always been my role model regarding the aspect of being self-sufficient. You always set an example on how handle your own life, without being forcefully dependent on others.
Be honest to yourself.
This is a personal achievement of sorts, which I have imbibed just from you. If I am not honest with myself, I feel suffocated. So, I have learnt to acknowledge realities and in the process, even accept minor setbacks. Being honest to myself, I deal with it head-on and eventually, it always helps me grow as a person.
Love unconditionally.
Your way of loving has always been more on the substantial side and less on the showing side. You will never show, but love ferociously (almost like a tigress guarding her kids). When you love, you love with all your heart. There are no terms and conditions to it. Yours is the best example of unconditional love, in my life.
There is so much more to say, but then this letter will never end. I am sure that while transitioning from the role of a daughter —> to a wife —> to a mother, you have incurred immense compromises and sacrifices throughout the journey. But above all, you have always emerged. You have always been a fighter who never gives up! Your knack for a non-negotiable disciplined life is that one thing which took a toll on us, when we were young. But it is that same discipline, which shaped us into the solid individuals that we are today.
So, this little ‘thank you’ note is from your kids, for being who you are. Thank you for passing on those amazing genes. Thank you for inculcating the remaining awesomeness by strict life lessons. Thank you for everything!
You have been a role-model Ma!!
With oodles of love,
Your Daughter
A compact version of this article of mine is published by One Future Collective, as part of its beautiful campaign – #FromMaWithLove. This campaign compiles 16 inspiring feminist tales about mothers narrated by their daughters across the world.
