The Ugly Truth of Dowry in India today

While going through the government’s initiatives for women empowerment in recent times, I stumbled across few thought-provoking ads which deliver powerful messages against the age-old practice of dowry in Indian marriages. The messages were loud and clear – “Say NO to dowry.” Dowry system in India refers to any form of movable goods, property or cash that the bride’s family gives to the bridegroom’s family, as one of the pre-requisites for marriage.

Considering the nagging societal pressures and crimes regarding dowry, I decided to delve deep into the history of dowry system in India. I strongly believe that the history of this culture-rich country has been distorted time and again to suit personal needs, which has resulted in baseless practices like dowry, being followed till today.

History

When dowry evolved in Vedic period, it was essentially followed by the upper castes as a means of benefit for the bride, who was not eligible to inherit property under erstwhile Hindu law. So, to negate this issue with inheritance for women, the bride’s family provided the groom with dowry which would be registered in the bride’s name. This dowry was considered as stridhan (Sanskrit word meaning : woman’s property). Also, a very distinctive feature of those times was that while upper castes practiced dowry, the lower castes practiced bride price to compensate her family for the loss of income. (I take a pause here. Sometimes, it feels so embarrassing to accept the fact that our ancestors had a much better quality of thinking and practical approach to life than us today. And we call ourselves ‘evolved and progressed’!!)

Post Independence, India gave equal legal status to daughters and sons among Hindu, Sikh and Jain families, under the Hindu Succession Act in 1956 (India grants  the Sharia derived personal status laws to its Muslim population). This should have ideally resolved the conflict of inheritance and hence, completely eradicated the system of dowry in the nation back then. On the contrary, dowry is prevalent even today, more as a demand by the bridegroom’s family to appease societal masses and needs to be fulfilled under any circumstance.

Dowry in India today

Since marriages in India are mostly lavish affairs and involve considerable expenditure in both sides of the family, the incurred costs are generally mutual ‘give-and-takes’. Amidst this unnecessary fanfare, sometimes the bridegroom’s family attempts to dictate the quantum of each present or gift, often resorting to specific cash demands. This leads to a nagging pressure on the bride’s family to live up to the expectations of society and fulfil each demand as a pre-requisite for the wedding.

Perhaps, our generation has become spineless. We lack a basic courage to raise our voice against  a practice which is so irrelevant and demeaning.

I have heard a thousand versions of so-called progressive opinions on dowry in today’s times :

• “We don’t want dowry, but we can’t raise our voices in front of our parents and elders. That would be disrespectful.” 
• “I am not going to take dowry, but I have saved enough for my sister’s dowry.” 
• “Since we’ve not received any dowry, I’ll mention that the few voluntary gifts given by the bride’s family were a part of dowry. That would save our honour in society.” 
• “We are not interested in dowry at all, but what would we show to our relatives when they ask what our son got as dowry?” 
• “We didn’t take any dowry and simply chose to lie in front of our relatives that we took a huge amount. Those people understand just ‘dowry’. Why should we create an unnecessary topic for discussion?” 
• “It’s easier for you to say that, since you had a love marriage. Your family incurred a loss because of you. Dowry is a mandate for arranged marriages.”  
• “These people look educated, so let’s not discuss dowry with them. They won’t understand religious customs.” 
• “I went with a relative to the bride’s house to discuss dowry for his son. I don’t believe in it, but it’s a matter of their family. Why should I comment?” and many more.

These are just few excerpts from my conversation with real people – people of today’s India (some even belong to the same educated generation as mine). I have heard many more such cringe-worthy opinions/views on the system of dowry and have managed to give them an earful piece of my mind, whenever possible. I know how to respect people. I don’t feel the need to lie, so as to show my pseudo-respect to elders. I don’t believe in pleasing society, with all its obsolete beliefs. I believe in educating myself and people around me. A wrong practice will remain wrong, and we need to discourage it in every possible way.

The irony is people still believe that dowry is a part of our culture and customs, oblivious to the actual history of dowry.  It’s high time we uproot these evils of our society, which are corroding an otherwise rich culture of our country. All it needs is COURAGE – Courage to say NO either to give dowry or take dowry. I’m sure all the men of our nation are capable enough to handle their own expenses, within their own means. Noone is a ‘khota sikka’ (invalidated coin – read : useless) for sure (as highlighted in one of the anti-dowry videos!) 

Here, I present to you 3 thought-provoking videos on the anti-dowry initiatives taken by the government in recent times.

 The videos were criticised a bit for accepting the practice of dowry instead of questioning it.  “What’s the point of an ad that says ‘Dowry is bad’? We’ve done that. My aim was to mock dowry-takers by saying that, if you accept dowry, you are putting your son up for sale.” said Sunil Alagh, presenter of the video. 

“By showing men as objects for accepting dowry, I wanted to put them in a woman’s shoes and make them think how it feels,” said Shubhashish Bhutiani, director of ‘Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao’ videos. “I wanted to provoke, to make them realise that demanding dowry is no way to respect women.”

Want to read some best-selling fictional stories based on Dowry in India?

Check out these exclusive books online –