The Unending Saga of Women and Their Love Hate Fascination With Hair

July 8, 2021 /

It is 2021 with an ongoing lockdown phase for about 1.5 years now and I just received my ’nth parcel from Amazon. And guess what it is! Another one of those organic, natural and ‘sulfate-free’ shampoo and conditioner packs, promising stronger roots and voluminous hair this time! I won’t mention names, lest it starts sounding like a sponsored post. But let us put it this way. My intense market analysis and product research, in between work calls, helped me zero down on this one product and then the heart said – “Let’s try it. Because, why not?”

Mind you, this so-called analysis spans a cumulative duration of 5-10 minutes per day, for a week or a month or maybe just few days before the current shampoo is about to get over. Yes, that’s how we function these days. Thanks to this lockdown and work from home scene, one habit which almost all of us have picked up is – online shopping. You might make bigger purchases, I might be more economical. Your interests might be different than mine. You might order cosmetics, I might order books or kitchen cleaning wipes. But we all shop, rather indulge in ‘screen shopping’ (virtual reference to window shopping). It feels like a guilty pleasure these days – a getaway behind closed doors. But, let’s save this discussion for another post.

Today, while unboxing my hair care products, I was wondering how unending this love hate relationship with hair is, especially for women. I won’t be wrong if I state that the rendezvous with one’s hair in a lifetime, can be segregated into distinct phases, which is often cyclic. Dare I call it a vicious cycle though! Good or bad, no matter how happy or troubled we are with our respective hair, we just never give up on it. Do we?

Let me elaborate more on the hair-related phases coming into my mind, right away.

Phase 1 – The “Simple-Coconut-Oil-Champi” Phase

Right from our birth till most part of our infant-hood, we all remember stories of how we were given mustard oil and coconut oil massages. This is just to name a few. The reason being – baby’s skin is delicate and sensitive. So, no chemicals please. Result – That soft and supple baby skin glow, with a foundation built for strong and thick hair.

It’s strange how conveniently we forget these basic rules as we traverse through the formative years of our lives.

Phase 2 – The “I-Don’t-Really-Care” Phase

In no time, we transcend into the phase of infant-hood and leave that angelic innocence of a baby behind. Our energies will be raging, we understand and process information better and all our focus lies on play maybe. As a 7-8 year old, ofcourse we don’t bother about the nourishment of our hair. That’s what our moms are for, right?

In this carefree phase, we might start throwing small tantrums though, when someone makes us sit down for oiling the hair. We might get fidgety and restless, just as a sign of impatience (typical in that age), but we are still under our mom’s control. Clearly, the nourishment phase is still on, so far.

Phase 3 – The “I-Want-To-Grow-Longer-Hair” Phase

This is the phase when all our inner divas suddenly come alive. Call it the doings of our raging hormones, our physical transformations or our altering attitudes, everyone around us gets ready to brace for impact. Because, our TEENAGE would have just arrived!

I find it funny now, whenever I reminisce that phase of teenage. We have all the desires of a young woman, yet always restrained by two major roadblocks – 1) We are not financially independent and don’t have the money to satiate the reckless desires of teenage, 2) We are still afraid of our parents and hesitate to have open discussions even while trying to project oneself as ‘semi-adults’. Basically, we do nothing without watching our backs! How hilarious and wannabe of us!

It is in this phase that we urge our moms to allow us a different hairstyle in the hair salon and the hair starts getting adorned with newer accessories. And if you’re lucky enough to stay in a hostel, you get to flaunt the ‘oh-so-glamorous’ looks styled and inspired by hostel-mates. The bottomline being – “Grow that hair long, because long hair is sexy.”

By now, we have clearly chucked the good old mom’s hair-care routine by the way.

Phase 4 – The “I-Want-To-Experiment” Phase

Straight out of graduation with a salaried first job, we experience freedom at another level and the world becomes our oyster. It is natural that we tend to spend on ourselves, trying to do things that we have always dreamt of. Even with all the mathematics of income, savings and expenditure running in our heads, the spending still happens. It mostly begins with treats to friends, because that feeling of paying for your own meal and that of others is surreal in the beginning.

Then comes self-grooming ofcourse! The ones who visited hometown parlours for a basic haircut and threading maybe, now start exploring more options in skin and hair care in the trendy salons. The hair colours start changing and the hairstyles start getting wilder. The blowdrying phase quickly transitions into the straightening / smoothening and curling phases. Because why not? The world is our oyster after all.

Phase 5 – The “I-Want-To-Fix-The-Experiment-With-Another-Experiment” Phase

This is the phase, when we upgrade ourselves from salon to spa trips. Our salaries have gotten better. The hair has gotten drier, looks slightly damaged and the effect of the hair colour doesn’t look the same anymore. So, the beautician suggests a wide variety of hair spa options to reinstate the earlier quality and maybe tries to build a regime by highlighting attractive discounts and offers in availing long-term services.

And bingo! Another unending saga of experiments begin.

Phase 6 – The “I-Want-To-Get-Back-My-Long-Hair” Phase

With the countless experiments by now (both organic and chemical), we end up in a phase of an incessant craving to get back to that teenage phase of long and luscious hair.

We long to get back to the time when our head was so full of hair and we didn’t really have to bother about which side to part so that the scalp is not very visible or use back-brushing hacks to ‘make’ our hair look voluminous. Yes, you heard that right. Back then, the hair was unkempt but naturally thick and voluminous. We didn’t really have to ‘make it look’ thick. And all thanks to our caregiver’s relentless efforts of oiling our hair and massaging our scalp for years, before we started throwing our “we-know-it-all” attitude.

By now, the realisation definitely hits us and we tend to get back to more sober and natural ways to pamper that hair which has somehow survived a thousand battles.

Phase 7 – The “I-Don’t-Have-The-Time-To-Really-Care” Phase

In the current generation, with late marriages and late pregnancies, this phase is bound to strike late. Just when you plan to get back into the groove of natural haircare, the worldly affairs strike us. Either you are newly married, juggling between running a household and a career, or you have toddlers or aging parents to take care of. People are genuinely dependent on you.

This is ironically so similar to phase-2 described earlier. We still try to follow a regime, but are impatient to invest complete time in it. Not because we are childish or fidgety, but because we have other very important things to do. Clearly, self-care takes a backseat in the list of priorities.

So, we would never really say ‘NO’ to a good head massage during this phase. But we might not actively indulge in it.

A lesson here – It’s high time we learnt to prioritise ourselves. Me-Time is not about being selfish, it is about being self-aware. It is necessary. As necessary as breathing (if that makes it sound important enough).

Phase 8 – The “Good-Old-Coconut-Oil-Champi-2.0” Phase

According to me, this is the final phase. We are retired from our professional work, almost done with our social duties and finally get some time to breathe. The morning tea breaks stretch longer and there’s more scope for life reflection in general. Suddenly, it feels like we have all the time in the world and nothing much to do really. Perched on the balcony, we reminisce the good old memories with our moms and grand-moms and casually sift through our hair while sipping our favourite cup of tea. The same hair – which used to be our pride, yet taken-for granted, which used to love us back, every time we detested it on a ‘bad hair day’.

Mellifluous tunes of our era keeps playing in the background, while the hand reaches for the bottle of good old pure coconut oil. We massage some on our hair, and then some more on our spouse’s (who is always eager for a head massage). And then, after a hearty chat, get up to take a shower.

A small message for my young readers, who are transitioning from Phase 2 to Phase 4 maybe –

Anything which is unnatural and involves chemicals, will eventually harm your healthy locks of hair. We are all born with different hair type, different personalities because we are meant to be different from each other. There’s no point in craving for the celebrity-styled smooth and shiny hair. They have a team to take care of their hair every single day. Their business demands it. Their kind of wealth comfortably takes care of it.

So, try and understand the dynamics. Be confident the way you are. Focus on the good old advice of moms and grand-moms. It works. I don’t want to sound preachy. Just give it a thought.

Rest, I know that teenagers also go through their “I-am-not-comfortable-in-my-own-skin” phase. It is natural. So, here’s a little effort to boost your confidence, by someone who’s been there and done it all.

Author’s Note

I have penned down the different phases, based on personal experiences, observations on other’s experiences around me and some figments of imagination (especially the last phases, yet to reach there). But I’m pretty sure that this will definitely summarise the life story of a woman and her love-hate fascination with hair in a lifetime. I am just so intrigued to imagine how this whole process lives a complete cycle on its own. So gradually, we all get back to Phase-1, just from where we started. Imagining and watching this ‘whole saga of a woman’s fascination with hair’ culminate into reality is going to be magical for sure!

God only knows why we have a relationship like this with HAIR. We just never give up on each other.

Wish you all beautiful and healthy hair, Ladies! For now and forever!

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla and sponsored by Queen’s Brigade.

Independent writer, travel blogger and IT professional. A keen observer, loves to travel and a dreamer with a penchant for spinning magic with words.

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39 Comments

  • Sweta

    July 19, 2021 at 12:35 AM Reply

    We should admire what is naturally gifted to us. Let it be hair, skin or anything. Ur post is an eye opener. Loved it.

  • Priyanka Nair

    July 18, 2021 at 8:43 PM Reply

    I think I am in. ” I want to experiment” phase 🙂 not with colors or chemical though, I have long hair and I have been wanting to have a blunt hair cut since a few months. This affair is never-ending and you have described it so well… every women reading this post is surely stuck at some phase ..haha

  • Abha Mondal

    July 18, 2021 at 8:20 PM Reply

    Oh yes women and their hair stories. Lovely post and after reading this I have realized that I am in phase 7 right now. I really do not have time or interest. Loved reading this article.

    • Santwona

      July 19, 2021 at 12:04 PM Reply

      It is amusing how everyone who’s writing to me, is actually placing themselves in one of the phases after reading the whole post. I am so glad that you could relate to the post, Abha. 🙂

  • aditi

    July 18, 2021 at 3:54 PM Reply

    I agree that nothing can beat the healthy look of natural hair. The chemicals in the haircare products can damage that health, so we should be extra careful!:)

    • Santwona

      July 19, 2021 at 12:07 PM Reply

      So so true. Only if we paid heed to the zillion advices given by our moms and grandmoms! Guess, it’s a normal human tendency to learn our lesson only after hitting the wall. 🙂

  • Ritu

    July 18, 2021 at 3:54 PM Reply

    Being a Sikh, I have never experimented with my hair. But I can totally relate to the champi – no champi phase. The perfect time to bond with mom.

    • Santwona

      July 19, 2021 at 12:09 PM Reply

      So glad to hear that you never did, Ritu. I am sure the bonus point you mentioned about bonding with mom during the champi phase, is most special.

  • Jigna Vora

    July 18, 2021 at 3:33 PM Reply

    Hahaha…i loved all the phases you have named…I feel you should add one more…crazy experiment phase…which I have been dabbling with since lock down…i want to color my hair blue or pink or something…wonder whats that about…

    • Santwona

      July 19, 2021 at 12:10 PM Reply

      Hahaha! This is hilarious, Jigna. I think it’s happening with almost all of us. Guess, the lockdown is playing with our minds. So, I can conveneniently name it as the “lockdown phase”. 😀

  • mominprocessnow

    July 18, 2021 at 1:38 PM Reply

    My god , what a great observation.. and those all phases are so true.. I am currently in transition from 7 th to 8 th phase.. 😀. So desperately need my hair back to where they started.

  • Vasumathi

    July 18, 2021 at 1:29 PM Reply

    A great post listing many of our ‘hair mistakes’. Felt myself nodding at a few places. At 43, iam now at the beyond caring stage where the hairfall is by clumps due to terrible water. No amount of fancy oils or shampoos are going to save this one.

    • Santwona

      July 19, 2021 at 12:40 PM Reply

      Maybe, just maybe, we still have some hope left. Years of damage takes time to heal after all. Be patient. I am sure you will get back your dream hair soon, Vasumathi. 🙂

  • Harjeet Kaur

    July 18, 2021 at 1:14 PM Reply

    I relate so well with your post. It s so true the way you have mapped the stages. I rarely use chemicals on my hair but my medicines are making my hair fall in bunches. I use coconut oil religiously but nothing seems to be working right now. I may grow bald soon 🙁

    • Santwona

      July 19, 2021 at 12:38 PM Reply

      Dear Harjeet, We have a long long way to go before we get bald. Trust me on this. A doctor friend had once said that hairfall is directly proportional to stress. The more we stress, the more hairfall we experience. And then the hair loss again adds on to the stress. So, it’s a vicious cycle of sorts. You just have to give a genuine effort to break free from this cycle.

  • shail

    July 17, 2021 at 11:09 PM Reply

    I mostly in my keep my hair short and color my hair phase now a days. Get too tired looking after the long hair. I regularly give my hair a champi so that it does not go bad. But yes we ladies are obsessed with our hair.

  • Madhu Bindra

    July 17, 2021 at 4:46 PM Reply

    That was sure a good one. I have been through all these phases apart from cutting the hair in my hey days. Good old champi is still the best.

  • myworldwitheira

    July 17, 2021 at 4:13 PM Reply

    This is so tru Santwona. Been through all these phases and now can’t stop smiling after reading your blog. I’ve been through I want to experiment with my hair to I wan to to fix the experiment with my hair but can’t too.

  • Satabdi

    July 16, 2021 at 9:52 AM Reply

    This post felt like I was reading my life story. You have captured all the nuances perfectly. I am lucky to have thick hair so I have not yet been affected by hair thinning but I think I shouldn’t be complacent and take care of my hair better. I prefer mustard oil over coconut oil despite the smell because I find it leaves my hair softer.

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