Do we actually SETTLE DOWN?
For a couple of years, I have been exposed to this beautiful phrase called ‘settle down’. And honestly, it seems like ages now. Somehow, I never understood it well then. And I still don’t really understand it now. I would like to believe that people who keep giving this advice, have the best of intentions in their mind. But, please understand the fact that your ideologies can be different than mine.
I respect yours. The least that you can do is respect mine.
I am ready to listen to your perspective for sure. But, please stop judging me for politely refusing to take your advice and not ‘falling in line’. Please stop judging me for living a life on my own terms. Right or wrong is always subjective.
Let me learn my own life lessons. Let me breathe.
I am 32, married, in a long-distance-marriage phase for a while, trying to manage a corporate career, trying harder to fight the inner demons and trying hardest to stick around the man I love.
Amidst the cacophony of our own battles, we come across ‘concerned’ people in our lives, whose only concern is to see you ‘settle down’. The rants are unending and the unsolicited advice is abundant. To all of them – THANKS, but NO THANKS.
I am settled down enough to feel my LOVE grow in leaps and bounds over a span of 8 long years of knowing my man.
I am settled down enough to still notice the SPARK in my husband’s eyes over a video call.
I am settled down enough to still feel the FLUTTER in my heart, each time he cracks the silliest joke with the confidence of the best comedian in the world.
I am settled down enough to enjoy our life together, without having to make space for a CHILD in our lives yet.
I am settled down enough to be on the SAME PAGE with him, after almost a decade of knowing each other.
I am settled down enough to live for MYSELF a bit, without any guilt.
I am settled down enough to have the MENTAL SPACE to learn a bit of French, while interacting with a new client on my project.
I am settled down enough to work and live just for myself while I WRITE.
I am settled down enough to have that SOLID RESOLVE to keep fighting the insecurities and make my relationship work.
I am settled down enough to DARE to be happy in the real sense.
I am settled down enough to RISE and SHINE.
I am settled down enough to NEVER GIVE UP.
But, sadly, the ‘people’s perception’ of settling down is different than mine.
Why does this phrase ‘settle down’ still feel so weird? Isn’t it the basic property of mud to settle down? That’s what I perceive and believe in at least. Or can it actually be applicable to humans too? If yes, I am sorry. My brain is wired way more differently than yours.
This little piece of my heart is also featured on Terribly Tiny Tales.
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla and sponsored by Bakez by Daizy.
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Santwona
Independent writer, travel blogger and IT professional. A keen observer, loves to travel and a dreamer with a penchant for spinning magic with words.
23 Comments
centrallinestore
Wonderful blog.
petsscarf
My compliments for such a well compiled post.
nooranandchawla
Hugs to you and congratulations on being featured in Terribly Tiny Tales! People will never be happy – they will always find some way of pulling us down for one reason or another, because that is how they feel better about themselves. You do you, boo – all the way!
MommyShravmusings
A very heartfelt post. Loved reading your thoughts on the same. I can very well relate to all your points.
Abha Mondal
People never stop giving their valuable advises and ask questions. loved your post. I often wonder ‘Why ‘settle down’ thing is so important and how other people decide that we are not happy in our current situation.
Pooja Jha
Same here, I am 32, Married, had worked before first baby’s arrival. Now, have 2 cute little kids. A happy family right but, I haven’t started working yet post Delivery so the best question for people around is – When are you going to start working again. It’s different for different people.
Sindhu Vinod Narayan
I loved reading your mind honestly through this post. I’m married with two kids and I still get to hear this and I still don’t understand what do they mean by the phrases
Bhawna Shah
The meaning of settle down is different in every body’s life and the question raised by relatives when will you settle down? have the same meaning for all. It all about your goals, happiness, desire and eventually satisfaction which makes a definition of settle down. You have poured in your thoughts and that is truly respectable.
pamela
I could not agree more with you as there is no time limit or defined age group to settle down. Just be happy and live your own as we have one life to live , enjoy, breath and stay happy…
Harjeet Kaur
Kuch to log kahenge…logon ka kaam hai kehna….I hear you Santwona! When you don’t fit into a regular societal mould, tongues wag. And how! My daughter is 31 and not yet married. You cant imagine what all I get to hear. One gentleman accosted me in the Gurudwara and said..Please sit down…aapko maa ka farz yaad dilaana hai! The gall of the man. So just dont give weightage to what anyone says. Live ur life at ur terms.
Vasumathi
I find the phrase itself funny. One is not dust that one needs to settle down. Most of the time they mean putting down roots or stability. I have now learnt to politely smile and not answer coz ppl dont understand. Most times they mean well so i dont see the need to get into an argument with them.
Madhu Bindra
I belong to the grandmothers generation but I don’t agree with the settling down. Everyone has their own journeys and what works for somebody does not work for others. You have raised some good points. People should stop interfering.
aditi
When you have your heart written on paper, there’s nothing like that! Settling down has different meanings for different people. The new ideology says we must do our business without interfering with that of others. Hope this message is spread far and wide through your article.
Raghav Dudeja
Couldn’t agree more! I’m 30 with a constant pressure of “completing the family” and hence settling down. At this point, I don’t even understand how my family is incomplete right now.
shail
I can totally understand your irritation through this post. What exactly does settle down mean is still a mystery to me? To each its own right, even I hate it when the so called society tries to judge you through their standard rules of setting down which most of the times makes u more unsettled I feel. Great post!
Ritu
Loved the post, Santwona. I too have had it with the word “settle down”. Head it way too many times. Apparently one needs to fit in a particular mould set by the society. Anything off it and you are not settled down. People really need to mind their own business.
shreemayeesdiary.com
Yes, these things are all happened only to women as much I experienced. The so-called well-wishers always question a girl. Why? Actually their lack of confidence make them to do so. I really appreciate how confident you’re about life. Go ahead girl! Live on your own terms only.
Satabdi
I’m sure these “concerned” people with “the best intentions” aren’t asking your husband such impertinent questions. It is always the woman who is answerable. Loved your post and the forcefulness with which you have stated your thoughts. I don’t know of a solution to the problem of pestering uncles and aunties but I’ve found that cutting off contact or avoiding the most vicious of the lot helps me maintain my sanity.
Mayuri6
Loved this, Santwona! Your post reflects your thoughts, contentment and confidence about your life. You had me chuckling at ‘I am not mud!’ You go, girl! You are such an inspiration!
memoryflies
There is society standards in terms “settle down” we are in 2021 but still society terms for us ( girls) are not changing. I strongly believe what we choose n achieve our goal irrespective of these so called standards we ” settle down”.
ghazala786
All of listen this Settle Down at one or the other phase of our lives. Either it’s carrier or marriage or kids , every one seems so worried and do not hesitate to give their advice but they don’t understand what the other person is going through .
Ghazala
rootsandwingsbysmita
Really amazing post… according to some people we need their advises all the time but that’s not the case and how to make them understand that we don’t need their advises…we do have our own brains too. I just don’t care anymore this ‘settle down’ thing.
Amit Pattnaik
I can relate to your situation quite a bit, the way some of my relatives continue pushing me to get married, I’m 35, still single and so as per them, yet to “settle down”. Their intentions mayn’t be bad but after a point, one does feel irritated while warding off such uncomfortable questions, I have lost my cool a few times. It’s truly hard to fathom why people love butting into others’ lives, poking their noses into everything personal.